Something That Happened.

What's with Blogger not being able to keep us logged in anymore? I really dig the New Blogger, but It seems I have to log in each and every time I wish to make a new blog post. How irritating.

I'll tell you what else is irritating: When you're sleeping on the night of Saint Patrick's holiday, only to be awakened at the sound of your only door being kicked out of it's frame by some criminals who aren't your friends. Yes, some fools actually broke into my home yesterday. Now that's irritating, yes, indeed. Probably Karma coming back around to deliver a good swift reminder of my own past misdeeds...

What's irritating you today? Come on, there's gotta be something. Maybe it'll feel good for you to post it here, in my comments area.

Labels: annoyances, Blogger, incident, Saint Patrick's, something that happened, true stories, web services

(Not autobiographical:) What It's Like to Read Poetry in Prison

Labels: incarceration, incident, poetry, something that happened

One thing you gather when you spend more than half a week in jail is a renewed sense of perspective.

(Quick aside: I just Googled around for a good prison adage to apply here, but I wasn't able to find one relevant enough to insert in my post without it seeming forced. In fact, at the time of this posting, a search for "prison adage" returns only about 29 results. I find it somewhat remarkable that only 29 web documents contain the phrase...Perhaps more prisoners need to blog?)

Obviously, incarceration is not intended to be a fun experience; prisoners are, after all, being confined in order to punish them or, at the very least, curtail their unlawful behavior. But fun is a relative concept; what's floats one fellow's boat may instead choke another bloke's goat.

A nuclear blast: flood of light, scorched eyes, scritch-scratch on vinyl, a shout in the chaos, it's the jailer's commands, Everybody Up, scritch-scratch, scritch (Oh, the mattresses), people are moving (I think I'll just sleep in), a jostled leg, an inmate's voice It's breakfast, getupman followed by the jailer I said ev-err-ee-bah-dee up!!! Scritch-scratch-zlit, Line up single file, anyone's still on a mattress noh-bah-dee gets breakfast...

I'm in the top bunk, for a few seconds I look down unclear about my circumstance, the concrete below seems perilously distant. Noh-bah-dee gets breakfast. Nobody wants to be the one who screws it up for everyone else. Not here, not in Dangerland. I take an unsteady leap (Where are my shoes?), I stumble into the line (Am I cutting in front of someone?), my head is caving in, too much rum, I'm collapsing in dizziness and nausea, suspicious of my stomach. Urine on the floor soaks through my socks. (Where are my damn shoes?)

Later I find, some of the inmates seem to think this is all some kind of fun, an amusing diversion, a Festival of Humiliating Delights. A "vacation", one fellow described it. Others seemed (acted?) proud of their incarceration, the time they'd end up serving in Twin Towers. It's hard to tell who's real, who's bullshitting. Facing real time, what else you gonna do? Cry about it? Probably too dangerous for that in here. Act tough. Be tough. Or suffer, more than you can imagine. What's not to like about life in Hell? I want to cry but I'm too afraid.

Labels: commentary, incarceration, incident, observations, perspective, prison adage, something that happened, story, true stories, vacationing

I never would have expected I'd spend time in jail. Ever. Not me. Yet there I was, for four days and nights, through President Lincoln's holiday weekend.

It happened at a Chili's, of all places. Not some seedy dive, a backalley bar. It didn't happen in a strip joint, or in a Red Light District. It happened in a friggin' Chili's, which makes it all the more humiliating.

A weekend of hell. Then a full day in court, a release without explanation. When inquired, the officer showed me the red stamp on my paperwork: Rejected, all charges.

Labels: incarceration, incident, something that happened, story, true stories, vacationing

Labels: death, family, illness, incident, mom, something that happened, video, videoblog, vlog, worrying

Labels: family, illness, incident, mom, nonfiction, something that happened, truth, video, videoblog, vlog

Did I mention that my girlfriend shat in her pants just a few minutes after I did the same? It's true -- and what makes the event even more interesting is the fact that she's never done it before. So the day she decides to push a fart too hard, it's (one of) the same day(s) that I do the deed! Isn't that wonderful?



Tags: art, commentary, video, flash, flash video, Hershey Squirt, pushing a fart too hard, vodcast, flatulence, vlog, farting

Labels: farting around, Hershey Squirt, incident, observations, something that happened

Click to Play

Labels: farting around, Hershey Squirt, incident, something that happened, true stories, video, videoblog

Social anxiety prevented me from going to the Vloggers/BarCampLA meetup at Canters last night. So the girl and I went to Goodwill instead, where the Fates seemed to be presenting me with a warning, channeled through the appearance of a CD single titled "Fear: The Mindkiller", by artist Eon. (Of course, I simply had to purchase it; besides, this song is one of my favorite techno tracks from the early 90's. Anyone else remember Mars FM?)



Tags: social anxiety, anxiety, depression, classic techno, eon, fear, Mars FM

Labels: anxiety, depression, Eon, fear, Goodwill, Mars FM, mental health, music, shopping, something that happened, true stories

Some years ago, I was waiting in line with friends to purchase Cure concert tickets at the Virgin Megastore in West Hollywood. We were in line with hundreds of other Cureheads for hours, and we became friendly with a few like-minded souls. One petite young lady -- let's call her Foggy -- was a cute, spunky, and dim little goth a couple of us became somewhat smitten with. One of my buddies -- we'll call him Ricardo -- was more smitten than the other, however, and did his best to charm the girl in the most disgusting manner -- at his friend's expense. (It's all "water under the bridge" now, but it certainly wasn't one of Ricardo's prettier moments.)



The next day, and for several months afterward, Ricardo attempted to pursue a relationship with this girl, Foggy. At first, the girl seemed to respond to Ricardo's advances; she accepted his invitations to go on movie and dinner excursions, and they had a makeout session or two. Ricardo, who wasn't the luckiest fellow with women, seemed to be finding romance with this girl, and we were all rooting for him. Though the girl seemed a bit aloof -- at least, in the details Ricardo was giving us about their relationship -- it seemed that Ricardo had found a friendship that could, just possibly, turn into a love affair.



Then, Foggy took Ricardo to her church.



I lost the will to finish this (truthful) story

Labels: real life, something that happened, stories, true stories

There's nothing to see here, folks. Move along...

Labels: commentary, copyright, downtempo, incident, music, observations, radio, royalties, something that happened, Tempo of the Down, VoyagerRadio

"Please hold while we connect you to the next available representative..."

I have now been on a phonecall with Earthlink for over two hours, and I have yet to speak with a representative about my issue. I have been transferred from one department to another, at least ten times, maybe more, in the following order:

From


1. the Wireless Support line listed on Earthlink's Wireless homepage at (888) 304-2773

to


2. Wifi Sales at (888) 303-3843

to


3. Handheld Devices and Laptop Cards at (888) 304-2773

back to


4. Wifi Sales at (888) 303-3843

to


5. Earthlink's Main line (apparently) at (888) 327-8454

to


6. ??? at ??? (Perhaps I'm in the Twilight Zone at this point; the representative told me I could reach the Zone again by dialing [800] 890-5128)

to


7. Wireless Tech Support/Home Networking Dept. at (800) 895-0620

to


8. Wi-Fi Sales (again) at (888) 304-2773

to


9. W
   
   

Labels: Earthlink, incident, something that happened, true stories

"Dream Job" (teaser)
[Audio file; CD-quality WMA stream]



Since I don't want to keep you waiting too long on that project I just mentioned, I've made you a short teaser to listen to so that you can get a taste of what I'm working on. This is only a sample of the work, but it'll give you some idea about what I'm doing. Enjoy!

Labels: audio, phone conversations, something that happened, true stories

(This was once an audio post, but the service that hosted the audio went out of business. You may try the link, but it probably won't go anywhere:

http://www.audblog.com/media/2100/90552.mp3

It's possible I archived this audio post elsewhere, but it's going to take some time for me to locate it...)

Labels: bureaucracy, commentary, department of social services, incident, Medi-Cal, mental health, mom, observations, panic attacks, something that happened, welfare office

(CONTINUING FROM PREVIOUS AUDIO POST)



On the way to the check-cashing place...wait a minute, did I already tell this story before? The one about the panic attack on the bus? The one where I found myself lying on a car seat in an auto dealership, surrounded by paramedics? I have a feeling I already told this one before, but since I haven't been able to locate the entry, I'm not certain. I'd hate to bore you with a re-telling. Of course, my perspective of the event is bound to be different now, so you may still find it interesting...

Labels: bureaucracy, commentary, department of social services, incident, Medi-Cal, mental health, mom, observations, panic attacks, something that happened, welfare office

(This was once an audio post, but the service that hosted the audio went out of business. You may try the link, but it probably won't go anywhere:

http://www.audblog.com/media/2100/89879.mp3

It's possible I archived this audio post elsewhere, but it's going to take some time for me to locate it! Sorry for the delay...)

Labels: bureaucracy, commentary, department of social services, incident, Medi-Cal, mental health, mom, observations, panic attacks, something that happened, welfare office